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I Forgive You Death

sometimes you dont expect it, 

unconsiously we all respect it

what if you died today

what if i slipped away

We would all regret it. 

Disease, the silent killer

took him away

My life is missing a peice

He is missing, I miss him

Dad I miss you

Left me broken

choking on my sadness

this is madness

why did you go so soon

This gloom has swallowed me

You raised me up

loved me, fed me, clothed me

I adored you, i abhored you.

You were right and wrong

I hated you, and i loved you.

You enabled, i was incapable

I try to be my own person

but you took that away

i depended on you

i never had the chance to fly

You clipped my wings

the very things

that gave my life meaning

you stopped me from flying

I was grounded, astounded, upset

Now your gone, im moving on

healing, feeling like never before

this is life, i can breathe, i can fly

I dont know how…How do i take flight

and the sight of falling, plunging to my death

what a mess, i was dependant

on you, sick of not being used

you did everything for me

i never learned, i yearned to know how

I want to fly

As I sit now and think of you

true i know you were just trying

to help, trying to do me good

your intentions pure

I will learn to fly on my own

Go home dad. Go home. 

I forgive you.

Some days are better than others…

When I find myself thinking about my dad, I lose focus, drive….I become woeful and just cannot function. It’s really difficult to go on living knowing that he will never be there to walk me down the isle. On days like this I just shut down…I don’t want to do anything, I dont want to see anyone and I lash out at friends. Most of my friends try to understand but honestly you can’t until you yourself have lost a parent. 

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